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May 14, 2006
posted by David Meigs at 5/14/2006 10:44:00 PM
Back in the day, we in Campus Life (YFC) had a ministry tool affectionately known as the electric chair. The concept was simple. A battery, an automotive ignition coil and a button wired up to a chair or stool. Kids would take turns shocking themselves and each other for giggles.

Sadly, in the eighties, YFC-USA, outlawed the electric chair. Darn lawyers ruin everything. Turkeys!

The other day I got to yearning for the old times, so I put on my old REZ LP and stuck my tongue in the light socket. As I lay there, soaking in a puddle of drool, it came to me. I know a way to bring back the electric chair and improve the skills of writers everywhere.

Ok, here’s my idea. Every agent or acquisitions editor would purchase an electric chair (from me) to use on writers who submit a stinky MS. If a first time author submits an 188,000 word count MS (like mine), they get zapped! Improper syntax? You get the picture.

Even nice guys like Dave Long might be willing to participate for the sake of bettering the craft. I know, I know, you picture yourself with smoke pouring out your ears, while Miss Snark leans on the button. I say, no guts, no glory.

Not only would it improve the skills of writer’s, but it would also alleviate the repressed rage in publishing houses everywhere.

So what do you think? Am I on to something?
 

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21 Comments:


At Sunday, May 14, 2006, Blogger Rulan

Whoa... ouch. he he. Can I be the first to push the button? Please, can I? huh?

If ever I get to visit, I'll be checking all your chairs for hidden wiring before I agree to sit down. You is dangerous. :O

he he

 

At Sunday, May 14, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Rulan,

As a service to you, I’d be willing to send you a kit to build NZ’s first electric chair. Just plug it into your USB port the next time you want something critiqued. After all, what are friends for?

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger Gina Burgess

How about something that plugs into your keyboard and just erases all the stinky writing and replaces it with instant, excellent writing! Rave reviews will suddenly be no problem... publishers will automatically fall in love with what you've written... and there will be instant success with no hair pulling or late nights. Better, still, make it so you can put it on automatic so that you start it when you go to bed and and next morning a perfect work of art of say, 97,000 words awaits your finger on the Print button. Can you design one of those for me, Dave?

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger Sojourner

Or you can just come over and pee on the electric wire around the horse fence, David. :o)

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Gina, - I’ll build it per your specs and ship it right out.


C.S., - I suppose the publishing houses could modify their urinals and toilets, but a chair would be so much more convenient.

As for going wee on an electric fence, been there, done that. That was the day I first developed a slow drool.

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger Rulan

I thought I heard a blood curdling scream from my computer. Now I know why. eek ouch.

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

It must have been CS.

I know better than to try that again.

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger jel

David, don't know if you are on to something? but sounds like your on something :0> ~~~~~~~~

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

I did have some brownies....

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger jel

I have heard of those brownies before, :)

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Rulan made them...

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger Rulan

Gasp. shock horror. David, you weren't supposed to eat those email brownies. All that ink and paper is bad for you.

 

At Monday, May 15, 2006, Blogger Bonnie Calhoun

Oh...LOL....you made me spit soda on my monitor!

 

At Tuesday, May 16, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

We make quite a pair. You spit on the monitor, and I drool on the keyboard.

 

At Tuesday, May 16, 2006, Blogger jel

I'm hurt I didn't get any :(
I need my coffee,


enjoy your brownies


have a great day!

 

At Thursday, May 18, 2006, Blogger K. Jimmy

"jel said...
David, don't know if you are on to something? but sounds like your on something..." ha ha ha


"Bonnie Calhoun said...
Oh...LOL....you made me spit soda on my monitor!...
The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
We make quite a pair. You spit on the monitor, and I drool on the keyboard..."

ha ha ha ha!

you are all too funny...
hey curm, i used to own one rez album back in the day- they are awesome, bbut ive (sadly) mislaid it over the years...

also wanted to tell you, my dad casuallyannounced to me the other day that he preached on the nephilim last week at his church! i thought of your book right away. how's it all going? is it going?

 

At Thursday, May 18, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

K. Jimmy,

You like Rez too? Wow. They were decades ahead of the rest in vision and outreach. They played some good music too.

I wish I could have heard your father’s sermon. I bet it was a good one. Did he tape it?

How’s the book going? I am just finishing the changes suggested by the editor. Then I suppose I should ship it of for another set or two of eyes to look it over.

Are you getting time to write?

 

At Sunday, May 21, 2006, Blogger K. Jimmy

great to hear your book is getting there at last! me, nah, not really getting time to write but sort of going through a "refining of vision and purpose" sort of thing right now...we are both (my husband and i) finally realising we arent cut out for this kind of existence (the 9-5 in a normal job, normal life kinda existence) and we're seriously looking at throwing in the proverbial towel and getting back to vanuatu- where he's from. anyway, we're praying about it....
i can ask dad to email his sermon to me if you want, and i can pass it on? actually better yet- i'll be there this week so i'll get it from his computer myself! ha ha ha...after asking him for it, of course! God bless.

 

At Sunday, May 21, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

K. Jimmy – Thanks, tell Dad it’s for a worthy cause. Ok, that might be stretching it. lol Yikes. You might have to move? Argh. Just don’t disappear on us. Put in your 30 day notice, so we can pray. Ok? God bless!

 

At Sunday, May 21, 2006, Blogger K. Jimmy

hey on the topic of rez and great music, did you ever come across a ministry of ywam called steiger that originated in holland and is now based in NZ, with ministry locations around the world? their primary focus is reaching out to counter-cultures, like punk rockers and drug addicts and the like. the whole thing started with a band called "no longer music". you may be interested in checking them out, they are into some radical stuff (missions-wise and musically). their website is www.steiger.org

 

At Sunday, May 21, 2006, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Hmm, I vaguely recall hearing something about Steiger, but I’m not sure. I’ll look their site over, ASAP.

Some of my kids listen to and play Christian alternative. This might make a good school for them. Thanks!