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August 17, 2005
posted by David Meigs at 8/17/2005 05:48:00 PM
"666?"

"Quick, run for the hills!"

"Impending doom!"

"The mark of the beast!"

You know what I mean. No mark = no cocoa-puffs. No more cashing the pay check at the bank, because they deposit it directly into your forehead via the blue-tooth technology implanted in your, well in your teeth. You know, it’s the time when you hear a ring at the door and instead of it being the Jehovah’s witnesses; it is the nice men with the VR helmet so you can take part in the day of awakening...

Nope... not that 666... I am talking about my first book. A very kind group of nice folks have been giving it a once over. One of the suggestions was to tone back the “however” usage.

“It’s how they talk!” I grumbled at my keyboard.

It is the keyboard’s fault after all! That is what I get for buying this generic trash.

“You never type what I command you!” I said, feeling better.

"Lord, do I have too many “however’s” in the book?” I asked.

Nothing.

“Send me a sign!”

Still nothing.

The light bulb lit up with incandescent fury. I knew what I needed to do. Just instruct "Hal" my computer to count the forever’s for me. With the speed of one of those monkeys with the red racing striped down it’s back, I keyed it in and punched “find” and closed my eyes for a long count to two. I opened them, and felt my jaw colliding against my chest.

"Good morning Dave, I have completed the search, and counted the word however 666 times.”

“Nooooo” I howled, and banged on my keyboard. “How can you do this to me? There are only 550 pages. Why that is.... I whipped out my trusty calculator... Why you bumbling seditious piece of junk. That is....? wait a minute... that’s over one “however” per page!”

I felt as if the whole world was laughing at me. After all, how could they know about my defective keyboard? Am I doomed? It was 666! There is but one answer for my troubles. I must fix things quick before the men come to the door with the VR helmet.

Argh. What can I say? I ran the same search on my “ly” word usage. It was not as bad as I thought, but I still cannot count that high. I wish that were all of the “keyboard errors I had to fix. There were a couple thousand improvements that have found their way into the new and improved document. Feeling much better now. Hmmm? Where do I find a few more victims to read my newest version. Is it all it can be, or is it still a work in progress?

Friday I have a big announcement to make. Until then, watch out for the men with the VR helmets. Keep away from those red-striped apes, and change your undies before leaving the house. Can’t be too careful!


Curm
Aka: David Meigs
 

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8 Comments:


At Thursday, August 18, 2005, Blogger lindaruth

LOL!! This is too funny. And here's something else funny -- Topeka, Kansas, zip codes all start with 666. Maybe that's what's wrong with Kansas ...

My big writing downfall is overusing dashes. You know, these things --
It takes a powerful act of will to go through and eliminate most of them.

Best wishes on the WIP!

Linda (who lives 90 miles from Topeka)

 

At Thursday, August 18, 2005, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Linda,

Yikes! All zips start with 666 in Kansas! Hey, my Dad is from Kansas... and Iowa... and Missouri. lol Thanks for stopping in for a peek.

Take care,

David

 

At Thursday, August 18, 2005, Blogger Marci

Enjoyed your posts, David. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I haven't been really consistent with the posts, lately but hope to do better. It helps to have an encouraging word left there now and then. :)Marci

 

At Thursday, August 18, 2005, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Marci, Thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed your blog!

david

 

At Friday, August 19, 2005, Anonymous The kid

Run for the hills, you say?
That's it, I'm off, I'm outa here... no need to say more, I'm gone....
Drat, I had reach the top of the nearest mountian when I suddenly realised I hadn't finished reading your blog.
puff puff, catch breath and stagger back down.
That's when I saw you were only joking. gasp, shock, horror.
What a trick to play! Boy you're in trouble now. Just wait till I catch my breath.

 

At Friday, August 19, 2005, Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant

Kid,

No, I was not joking. Be afraid, very afraid. They are coming to take you away.

Curm.

 

At Friday, August 19, 2005, Blogger Rulan

No, no, they can't do that?!
Help.....?!
It's not me..... It's not me... It's, it's him!

 

At Saturday, August 27, 2005, Blogger Gina Burgess

What fun! Hugely enjoyable. 666 kudos lol.